11.42 pm

She cut my hair, put me in a white dress and sent me out into the world. I shuffled about the streets, there were lights everywhere. The beauty of it all was disorientating. I felt confused and in awe. Then I saw you. And that’s when everything changed. Between the autumn leaves, you stared right back. Although the streets were busy, we stood there just curiously throwing glances at each other, for what felt like a life time. I don’t know you, and I will never get the chance too. Our worlds more counterclockwise, in fact you were walking the opposite way. But for that brief moment, everything felt just in an unjust world. It was just you and me, and for that second I was sure that was all I ever needed to feel alive.

1.12 am.

Bored out of my mind with everything, with all of you, out of my mind? Mind mind..when was I ever in my mind. How can you be in a mind when you were never really in anything at all.

I will stay like this for years. In a daze like nothing really matters, nothing is truly happening. There's a lingering feeling of anticipation but it's so distant you forget what you were excited about in the first place. That line - it's all happening. What the fuck is happening? Are you in the same world as I am? Can you not see that nothing ever changes. People walk through life, walk over friends, over feelings. They wash out their own because it's easier not to feel. Just to walk and keep walking until some one or something gets in the way. Then you start to remember what it feels like just to feel something, anything. Then it starts all over again. Is this living? Bumping and running into strangers for the thrill of a touch, the idea of some one, not that some one as a whole. It's seems the idea of something is much more enticing than the object itself. The calm before a crash or the look before a kiss. Maybe it's just me, but I love the idea of it all. I'm in love with the idea of life and of you and of everything in the spaces and gaps of this existence. Exist, I want to exist.

Hitchcock Girl.

And as you look back on the life you once loved and the girl you once held late at night, the train whistle blows and she starts to cry. She looks like a vision standing on the platform, waving feebly because she knows it’s the only thing she can do. You want to stop the train and scream out to her, tell her she’s a thief and that she stole your heart and you wanted it back, even when you know it was hers to begin with. The truth is it was always hers. But all you do is sit and stare blankly out the foggy window. It ain’t no good, it never was.

After all, you’re just a man, and she was something else.

actions speak
and yours are slurred
like syllables rolling off a tongue
they fall with a deafening silence to the floor
a silence that seems to move with your bones
swaying back and forth, uneasy and unsteady
you don't say a word
yet your movements whisper
and your actions whisper

and it feels just the same.

Ordeal or no deal.

The world is being engulfed by an overwhelming sense of discontent.
Wasted youths, wasted lives.
I don't think any one knows where it began or where it started growing. But it looms larger and larger in every classroom across the globe, in every loveless marriage, in every angst filled song. What is is we despise? Is it life itself? I see no reason to hate the minutes I've been given or the air I breathe. And though you may swear by it, neither do you. Unlock the fear of embracing every moment. Tighten the loose screws and hinges of your existence. Life's not half bad if you don't spend all your time resenting it. Use the time you're given wisely.

Once it's gone, you can never get it back.

generations.

I don’t know where I’m going and I don’t know where I’ve been. Where I am destined to end up, the place where I am complete has not been written – it’s not in any cards. Maybe I’m not the only one wandering,searching for meaning. Maybe we are all just dragging our feet towards tomorrow and running away from yesterday. Nothing is certain and that is the one element that will be forever in the back of our minds. When did the need to become a part of the infinite sea of cognate faces become so strong? Is it because we are discontent with simply being ourselves? People every where have lost their lust for life and for what, to sit back and watch while diversity is sucked down the drain of what once was. It seems human beings simply want to be a part of something, a part of anything. It is then that the need to relate and the need to belong rears its head. This need is not erroneous in nature.
But when it swallows you whole and you no longer resemble the person you once were,when you are content with being one of those blank faces, take one step back and stop and think, if only for a second – Was it worth it?

Watch it disappear.

Its such a challenge to accept that I am a part of this destructive, murderous, consumer driven species that is the human race. I am mortal, I am human. Sometimes I think it would be nicer to just be a bird. Be a bird and fly away from it all. Fly away from the ebb and flow of universal woe. Its simple. Yet we find it so hard to let go of the irrelevant nonsense of materialistic things. A rectangular piece of green paper with a dollar sign on it means so much. Its ironic, having all the money in the world wont stop you from feeling emotion. You will still feel lonely. Yet this piece of paper entitles a life to some one. With out it you cannot live.
Dylan was right, "No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky."

We are the only species that consumes without producing. The only people that are doing some good in the world are fixing what we screwed up in the first place. We are like these giant emotional egocentric blobs wandering around making weapons of mass destruction and pumping millions of poisonous toxins into our bodies and the earth. Not to mention cutting down a heck of a lot of trees and killing lots of other people in the process. Discriminating, prosecuting and beating up on each other like there's no tomorrow. Never learning and never stopping – until its too late. I hate that every single day I am apart of that and there's nothing I can do about it. Say goodbye to the ozone layer and clean air guys, because we screwed that up too.
I guess we don't know any better, right?